Don’t you hate it when someone lets you down…again?
Don’t you hate showing up on time on to be kept waiting…again?
Don’t you hate hearing someone say they’re sorry…again?
If you’re like me then you’ve probably been on the wrong side of these equations…again and again.
People who know me know I’m both patient and kind, to a fault on both accounts.
I can forgive people nearly anything because I like to believe that they have learned their lessons and will not make the same mistake twice.
But guess what? They do…and not just twice but three and four times.
Why is that?
Is it because they lied to our faces when they said, “It won’t happen again?” Or maybe it’s because they don’t know the effect their actions are having?
I think it’s neither.
While it’s not always true, I have found that people tend to be who they are.
They are either good or bad, kind or mean, funny or serious.
Change is possible, but it’s not always easy. In fact, most of the time it’s downright difficult, if not almost impossible.
So if you’re one of the unlucky people who gets the short end of the stick time and time again, what should you do?
I think the best thing you can do is understand just who you are dealing with.
- If your friend is always late, tell them the appointment is 30 minutes earlier than it actually is.
- If your coworker keeps letting you down, ask someone else to get the job done.
- If your teammate continually breaks their promise, stop asking them for help or have a back-up plan so that you’re not caught with your pants down.
What I’ve found from personal experience and trying out many techniques I’ve read about in books is that the best thing you can do is limit your exposure to such people.
Or as my homestay mother used to say when hearing my girlfriend woes, “There are other fish in the sea.” She was right.
Nature abhors a vacuum which is precisely what happens when you remove something from your life.
That applies to clothes as much as it does to people.
Don’t believe me, sell or give away half of all your clothes. Within a short period of time you’ll find all the space you cleared up will be filled with new clothes or items you purchase.
What about people?
Last year when I said goodbye to a close friend because I was no longer willing to be their punching bag, amazingly within a very short time I met someone new who I’m even closer with today.
Now I would like to stress that I’m not saying to walk away from all your friends…what I am asking you to consider is if there is someone in our lives who is constantly causing us stress (for whatever reason) then maybe the best thing for us to do is walk away.
That doesn’t mean we hate them, it just means we love ourselves more.
What I do find funny is the excuses that people come up with to ask for our forgiveness.
The first time it’s family, the next time it’s work, the next an injury, the next a forgotten appointment, the traffic, the alarm clock, the computer, the rain, the heat, the fly on the window…
Now some are obviously acceptable but over time people naturally start keeping score…and from that time on when we are let down, we can’t help thinking, “What? Again?”
Most of the time the final straw isn’t anything big but rather something small which makes you think, “Hey, if they can’t be bothered to help me with this, then they’ll never be able to.”
For me, a good barometer of how I can judge just how much I can trust another person is to ask them for help when they are busy.
I am willing to drop everything to help a friend if they really need my help and if there are no absolute emergencies on my end.
Why? Because I’m their friend.
In my mind that’s what a friend does. They don’t ask questions when their friend needs help. They just say, “What do you need?”
I will bend over backward to help a friend, but not someone who I’ve either lost respect for or who has let me down over and over.
We all have so much to offer so and if our “friends” can’t see that then it’s their loss. We just need to find people that do.
Still not convinced?
Of all your friends, which one or two let you down the most? Now if they weren’t in your life, how much easier would your life be?
Today I live a pretty stress-free life thanks to this. It wasn’t easy, but I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do.
Trust your gut. If it’s telling you something’s wrong, it usually is.